Generally, I prefer to look forward. I love to dream and imagine the future, and we’re lucky to have reason to hope for good things ahead.
Looking back can be harder. It’s a reminder of the good things that have happened, yes, but an inevitable reminder of the passing of time, too – and, depending on my mood, that can be fraught. (I know I’m not alone in this!)
Still: looking back in intentional ways has helped me to take what I can from each year, to appreciate what it had to offer, to learn what it had to give, to acknowledge the hard and appreciate the good. Our lives are what we give our attention to, and these posts are my way of giving a little attention to the year of my life I just lived. Thank you, as always, for indulging me!
As always, our year started by celebrating our best big girl turning another year older – this time with a birthday hike on the big day and a petite pottery painting party a few days later. We said goodbye to the CWM commercial office space and I headed to the beach for a weekend with the Articles Club gals. On the blog, I shared my reading list, my goals, and – for the first time – our family goals for the year.
There were more celebrations in February! In lieu of 2022 Christmas gifts, my sisters and I (and husbands) chose to go out to dinner together – not so easy since we don’t live in the same place! – and we were able to make it happen at Kindred over Presidents Day. We also stuffed our Valentine’s mailbox, went to see the Duke basketball team play and Riverdance tour for my birthday (reflections here), finished the first Harry Potter, and started composting (a long-awaited splurge).
We spent lots of time outdoors in March, including on the field and sidelines for another soccer season for June and Shep. I chaperoned my first elementary school field trip (a dream come true, as silly as it sounds!), we replaced our roof after hail damage, and we kicked off our spring break trip with 20 hours in Serenbe, a nostalgic treat from my SW days.
In April, we reached our spring break destination – a return to Watercolor, Florida, to celebrate John’s parents’ 50th anniversary with the whole family! This is where we discovered Annie is obsessed with belly flopping into pools, ha. We celebrated Easter in Greenville, SC on our road trip back (complete with an ER visit after having to administer the epipen.) We took another little weekend trip to Asheville, where we met up with my younger sister to celebrate her paying off her student loans, and I traveled to Texas for work. Whew!! In between trips, we picked strawberries and June had her first piano recital.
With school out for the summer, June swam on our neighborhood team for the first time (and greatly enjoyed learning group dances on the pool deck), the kids played street soccer almost daily with neighbors, and June and Shep camped in the backyard solo. I hosted another book swap, biked the American Tobacco Trail with a dear friend (44 miles!), and we took one of our favorite trips of the year to Beaufort, NC before heading north to spend a week with my parents, sister, and cousins in Connecticut.
We began the month of July in Maine at our island and concluded it with Shep blowing out the candles at home on his fifth birthday. In between, we had a stopover in DC on our road trip south, an insane rash from moths (!), many evenings at the pool, and a joint birthday party with Shep’s best friend at a local park. On the blog, I shared a few takeaways from Habits of the Household, my favorite nonfiction read of the year.
In August, we welcomed two of our nieces and nephews for a week of cousin camp, highlighted by the debut of the Best Friends Snack Shack, hikes, and our nephew learning to ride a bike! We discussed the Barbie movie with an all-pink Articles Club, stayed with John’s parents for a week at their new home in Virginia (so much closer to us!), and kicked off another season of soccer at a field we can walk to. And then school started – second grade for June and a final year of preschool for Shep!
September saw the advent of Team Thomas Tuesdays, a dream many years in the making. It’s been (mostly) a delight! We also organized our garage – a sore spot in our home that had been dogging us for years – with some professional help. In honor of our 11th wedding anniversary, John and I had a special date night to see Wicked and took a quick weekend trip to Charleston (not without its relationship lessons). We led a book study at church onThe Common Rule and I started volunteering weekly in June’s classroom to run a reading group.
We had another favorite trip in October – to Boone, NC – as well as a memorable gathering for the 8th anniversary of Articles Club, a visit to the state fair, our annual camping trip with the Rays, and a chocolate chip cookie tasting party. Sadly, John’s back pain flared up again and he continued to battle it for the rest of the year.
In November, we met up with cousins for a coooold day at the zoo, I biked the ATT one more time, we had friends over for what we hope will be many more Sunday pizza hangs in 2024 (more about that soon!), and we celebrated Thanksgiving in the Florida Keys with my family in honor of my parents’ 40th anniversary. (Annie’s first flight!)
December felt full, slow, and all about community. We fit in lots of beloved Christmas traditions – many with friends or family in tow – but worked hard to keep plenty of white space for playing, baking, and reading books at home, too. Shep started the very lowest-key basketball, a new delight of his life, and at the end of the month, we hosted my family for a few days of Christmas fun and then flew to California to be hosted alongside all of John’s family at his sister’s home for even more.
For us, each year in the life of our young family is a delicate balance – between travel and staying home, between “new” and “the same,” between pushing and choosing rest, between work and play, between freedom and control. We do not get it right all the time, not by a long shot – but we try. We think deeply about it, and pray for wisdom, and act carefully, and adjust as we go. It’s both rewarding and overwhelming to see a year in our life summed up like this, but as always, I’m choosing gratitude. It’s not hard, and for that I am, well, grateful.
Friends, I know I’ve said it before, but I am SO excited for what we’ll discuss here (and elsewhere) in 2024. Thank you for being here, and for sharing so generously with me! It’s one of the delights of my life. Wishing you a healthy, happy, and abundant new year. My 2024 goals are just about ready to share, so I’ll see you soon! :)
If you feel like you’ve been seeing a lot of trip recap posts lately, you’re not wrong. As I mentioned, April was unusually full of travel for our family and, per my New Year’s resolution, you’re hearing about all the escapades tout de suite. I know localized travel posts aren’t everyone’s favorite, so I appreciate your graciousness. Hopefully, even if you never plan to visit where we’ve been, you’ll find something to take away from the details that you can transpose onto your own next destination – or something else entirely in your life!
Before we dive in, I also wanted to thank you for offering your generous thoughts on my recent survey. 75+ of you gave me much to consider. I’m still mulling over the next best step, but in the meantime, know your engagement here is very much appreciated. I was talking this week with a friend who works in marketing and with small businesses about the survey, and she was blown away by the number of responses I received. Knowing this community, I was grateful but not surprised. Thank you, thank you.
This particular trip was a fun and unique one. As many of you know, John and I are passionate about personal finance. We have had the gift of coming alongside my younger sister over the last few years as she has worked to pay off her undergraduate and graduate student loans. The three of us would meet a few times a year to review her net worth (just a fancy term for a snapshot of your debts and assets), talk through her budget, check in on her payoff plan progress, and talk through any big-picture financial questions on her mind. And, of course, to cheer her on! Debt freedom can take years to achieve, and it’s good to have cheerleaders in your corner :)
We have been so proud of her all along the way, and several years ago, we told her that when she paid off the last loan, we’d go on a trip to celebrate. Last fall, we were thrilled to get the green light when she sent in her last payment.
We considered all sorts of options for our celebratory trip (including Europe!), but ultimately decided on a weekend visit to the Biltmore in Asheville, which is halfway between our home in Raleigh and Kim’s in Nashville. We chose a spring weekend when June had a Friday teacher workday for the occasion.
Why the Biltmore? Though Asheville is perfectly situated for our purposes, we’ve all been several times, and so we were looking for something that would distinguish this trip. (Remember, novelty fuels memory!) The Biltmore itself feels set-apart and somewhat extravagant, and we knew staying on the grounds would feel like a unique and special experience.
We chose to stay at the Village Hotel on the Biltmore Estate, the less formal and less expensive counterpart to their other hotel, the Inn. We booked two hotel rooms, and they ended up being right around the corner from each other on the same floor (which made post-kid-bedtime socializing easier).
Let’s back up, though, to before our arrival at the Biltmore. The plan was to meet in Asheville for lunch, and though the Raleigh crew arrived on time, Kim’s arrival was snarled by a huge traffic back-up. It all worked out, though – we enjoyed an appetizer of chips, salsa, and queso at White Duck and a walk along the French Broad River before meeting up at Baby Bull for a late lunch.
Immediately after driving onto the property we headed to the Bike Barn to rent a bike for Kim. (We had brought bikes for our family as well as our Bee.) We pedaled for about an hour in a mini peloton along the French Broad River under a perfectly blue sky – pure delight.
(Observant readers may notice that June has graduated to a Priority Start 20″ bike while Shep is riding her original Start 16″. We continue to be so, so happy with them!)
The path takes you to one of the prettiest views on the property: the Biltmore House up on the hillside, reflected in the lagoon below.
We checked into our rooms and walked downstairs for an early dinner reservation on the patio at Village Social. Our waitress was wonderful, but sadly the food and drinks were just so-so – which surprised me. (I actually sent my cocktail back, which I rarely do, because it was pretty flavorless.)
Dessert made up for it, though! We hiked up the path from Antler Hill Village to the Inn for complimentary s’mores around the fire pit at dusk. Perched at the top of the hill were the cutest s’mores kits, a strolling banjo player, and a tree swing.
Bedtime that evening was less restful :) Annie (21 months) chose this weekend to unveil her newest skill: escaping over the top of the pack and play. After about an hour of wrestling her back into bed, attempting to settle her into alternative locations, and listening to her distribute belongings beside each sleeping family member (“dis Sheppie’s, dis Mama’s”), I finally laid down on the floor next to the pack and play to keep her corralled until she fell asleep. Whew.
The next morning we headed downstairs for breakfast at Village Social, which received thumbs up all around (my blueberry pancakes were delicious). Fortified, we drove to the lagoon, parked our car, and walked up the hill to Biltmore House itself. The one-mile walk through pastureland is beautiful (we saw wild turkeys!), but for little legs, keep in mind it is mostly uphill.
We entered the grounds through the gardens, where everyone was wowed by the conservatory (built in 1895!). The lush, tropical plants are packed in and stunning, and there was even a cellist playing under the peaked glass roof that afternoon. It was beautiful – I felt like a true guest of the Vanderbilts :)
We walked up to the main house and ate a quick lunch in the Stable Cafe courtyard. It had turned gray and chilly at this point and we had somewhere to be, so we headed back down the hill promptly after eating.
Next up was one of the more exciting surprises for Kim: a trail ride! She and I grew up riding at our aunt’s horse farm, and I knew this would be a meaningful detail for her. The kids got to pet the horses before John took them back to the hotel for naps and quiet time while the two of us headed out on the trail.
It was a quiet, meandering ride out onto a ridge with a beautiful view of Biltmore House and then winding back to the barn through pretty woods. Thankfully, the sun had come back out at this point!
We reunited post-ride only to split up again: Shep wanted to go on another bike ride, so John and I took him and Annie while Kim and June had some aunt-niece time at the Antler Hill barnyard. (We had fun, but I think they got the better end of the deal: they watched a sheepdog herding exhibition and got to hold baby chicks!).
Dinner that night was at Cedric’s Tavern in Antler Hill Village, which was better than the previous night but still fell slightly below my expectations. We followed it up with ice cream from the Creamery (yum, obviously).
The kids were desperate to swim in the hotel pool despite the chilly spring temps. John and I both got in, as well, but even though the pool was “heated,” our lips took on a blue tinge after about ten minutes :)
After a less-eventful bedtime (lying on the floor next to the pack and play from the start worked like a charm), the grown-ups played cards and chatted in Kim’s room until it was time for us to turn in, too.
We went our separate ways mid-morning on Sunday, but not before another breakfast at Village Social and a last visit to the farmyard to peek at the baby chicks and goats. 3.5 hours later we were home, grateful to have gotten to celebrate such a huge milestone in a fun way. (Cheers to you, Kim!! We are so proud of you!)
Thanks for letting me share a bit about our adventures, friends! It’s always a joy.
Happy May, friends! I’m hoping you might be willing to help me with something as we open up a new month: I have reserved a space on Substack and would love your thoughts on how I might best put it to use.
In case you’re not familiar with it, Substack is a “subscription network” for creators – mainly writers – to share their work. “While social networks are associated with advertising and attention,” the founders write, “subscription networks are about direct payments and trust. While social networks facilitate shallow connections, subscription networks foster deep relationships.”
Here’s a bit more:
Heady stuff, and right up my alley :) As a writer, Substack seems like a natural place for me to have a presence, especially as it becomes less appealing to spend time on social media and writing is my preferred mode of sharing, anyway. Many writers whose work and perspectives I appreciate, like Emily Oster, Bari Weiss, Claire Swinarski, Elizabeth Holmes, Anne Helen Peterson, and The Dispatch have already found a home here.
Colliding with these thoughts is the fact that my current newsletter platform is now charging a fee to send my “new post” newsletter. As I’ve written before, I don’t need to earn my living on Em for Marvelous, but I’d prefer to not pay for the privilege, either.
I’m not about to abandon this space, though (14 years and counting!), and Substack is not particularly well-suited to image-rich posts (as some of mine are). So: most posts will stay here, and a new newsletter will live on Substack. This will allow me to: 1) easily share new posts with you, 2) provide additional content to those who choose to support what I do here, and 3) allow us all to play with what a promising spot on the internet has to offer. I think it could be fun!
But I’d love to hear what sounds fun to you, and what might add value to your life. So, if you’d like, please consider taking a short survey on the possibilities. I look forward to hearing what you think! If you have any questions, feel free to drop them in the comments.
The only other thing of note I wanted to share as we start this month is that John and I are experimenting with a digital detox for the next few weeks! As you know, we are generally about moderation in most things, including social media and screen time, but a pastor we admire is leading his congregation through a thoughtful fast for the next four weeks and we thought we’d give it a try. Perhaps I’ll report back at the beginning of June if there’s interest :)
On my calendar this month: — June and I have our mother-daughter sleepaway camp weekend! I am nervous but excited. — We are also camping for one night with our church small group – we’ll be 13 adults and 11 children (!). Though we’ve camped many times with the Rays, adventuring with such a big group will be a whole new experience. — June’s school is celebrating Teacher Appreciation Week this week! We’re following the PTA’s theme days (write a note on Tuesday, wear your teacher’s favorite color on Friday, etc.) and for a bigger gift, we chose a gift card to Fleet Feet, a local store, since her teacher is an avid runner.
What I’m loving right now: — Both of the books I’ve read by Justin Whitmel Earley have been slam dunks, so I was excited to hear about his new book, Made for People. I preordered it, which is rare for me, and am looking forward to seeing it arrive on my doorstep in August. — I found George Packer’s Opening Argument in the April Atlantic to be thought-provoking and clarifying. “The project of the guides is utopian, but they’re a symptom of deep pessimism. They belong to a fractured culture in which symbolic gestures are preferable to concrete actions, argument is no longer desirable, each viewpoint has its own impenetrable dialect, and only the most fluent insiders possess the power to say what is real.” — “I Thank God” by Maverick City is a real bop. I recommend a listen first thing in the morning to start your day off right.
As a reminder, you can find allll the things I’ve loved over the last few years neatly organized right here!
What I read in April: — The Flatshare | My mom and sister both loved this book (a debut novel) and I was happy to pick it up, too! The concept is clever – two roommates who never see each other because one works a night shift, and slowly get to know each other via post-it notes and observing each other’s belongings in the apartment. The female narrator, Tiffy, never quite crystallized as a character for me, but it was a feel-good story and I’d recommend it. (The 56k+ positive reviews aren’t wrong.) — Remarkably Bright Creatures | People are rapturous about this book (also a debut novel!), so my expectations were high. I enjoyed it, but I think I’d give it 4 stars instead of 5. The characters are a little hard to love, and there was kind of an unexpected amount of swearing in it? I did enjoy how the story unfolded and overall would recommend this one, too. — Marriage Portrait | I’d give this one the highest rating of the bunch this month, though I will say it’s probably not for everyone. The writing is exquisite; description is very much emphasized over action. I loved the concept – the novel is inspired by a scrap of historical record about a young Italian duchess who dies just a year after her wedding – and was impressed by how cleverly the author fills out the scant details into a full novel. One of the best parts: the ending was satisfying and unexpected. In another interesting twist, the actual marriage portrait of the main character, whose creation is detailed in the book, is displayed at the NC Art Museum in Raleigh. I think I’m going to take a little field trip to see it on a day off this month :) — Hunt, Gather, Parent | I’m rereading this parenting book so I can finally write a post on it! It’s as good as I remembered from my 2022 read.
My reading list for 2023 is moving right along!I’ve read nine so far and am in the middle of two more.
Revisiting my April goals: Organize our master bath cabinets Paint our master bath cabinets (I decided to table this one until June, as it’s a hands-on project I can tackle once summer break hits and June and I are hanging out more often during the day.) Complete 2008-2009 in the EFM book Plan well for our Asheville trip (Yes, it was wonderful! Report coming soon.) Send invites for the book swap Finish the Best of EFM page Film Annie in April
May goals: — Edit Annie in April — Organize our master bath cabinets — Organize our loft — Send invites for the book swap
As a reminder, many of these are drawn from my 2023 goals!
As I suspected, April was a doozy (so much travel!), so this month I’m re-upping on several goals that I did not complete. Looking forward to seeing what I can check off on a second pass :)
Can you point to anything in your past about which you remember saying, “When our budget has room to breathe/I pay off my loans/I get a raise, I’m finally going to splurge on ______”? I can think of two, and I thought it might be fun to chat about them today.
I’ve mentioned here and there the idea of our household budget expanding over time, which is both somewhat fiddly to talk about but also something I feel it’s important to be realistic about. And also, isn’t it the arc we all hope to realize over time? I’ve been writing this blog for almost 15 years – it spans from the perspective of a college senior to a mid-30’s mom – so I certainly hope my financial situation has changed over our time together. Yours, too :)
And it has. John and I have moved from a season of paying off student loans and entry-level jobs (where splitting a burrito at Chipotle was a rare treat) to a new season where we have advanced in our careers and can comfortably afford most things we want. (Though you better believe we still live by our budget – in fact, I’m thinking of updating that very old post because so many of you have emailed hoping I’d get the example Google Doc fixed up. Let me know if that would be of interest!)
Accordingly, our budget has expanded a bit, and it’s been interesting to adjust our behavior to fit it. It’s been sweet, but also has required some rewiring, some uncertainty, some resetting of expectations. For example, I was chatting with John about buying tickets to Wicked, which is coming to the DPAC here in August. I have wanted to see it for years and years and years, and I said to him that maybe we could make it an early Christmas present? To which he gently said, “You know, we can just go to a show occasionally. We don’t have to try to shoehorn it into the nearest holiday.”
And he’s right – we’ve made room for it in our budget. But old habits die hard :) Which on the whole, I’m grateful for! I’d always rather set my expectations for spending too low than too high.
There are two seemingly small things, though, that years ago I identified as milestones and said to myself, when our budget feels more comfortable, I’ll do those things. That will feel like a splurge. That will really be living, ha. They’re kind of hilarious in retrospect, but here they are:
1. Pre-peeled garlic. Many years ago – probably pre-kids – I remember having lunch at a friend’s house and watching her cook a noodle dish. She pulled a bag of pre-peeled garlic from the fridge, swiftly chopped it up, and added it to a saute pan.
I find peeling garlic to be one of those grating kitchen tasks that slows down my meal prep flow, leaves annoying bits of papery peel drifting around my kitchen, and makes my hands reek. The idea of being able to pluck a clove from a bag and immediately press it into action? The height of luxury.
Alas, I didn’t feel I could justify a $4.50 or so bag of pre-peeled garlic every week when the garlic head was $.50 and lasted at least two weeks. But about a year ago, I decided it was time, and plucked the coveted bag from the produce cooler.
And friends, it’s been as good as I thought it would be all those years. The only downside? The garlic in the fridge spoiled faster than I could use it. But I found a solution: keeping the bag in the freezer! The cloves thaw enough to slice in a few seconds, and since we’re cooking them 90% of the time, we’ve never noticed any difference in flavor.
2. A compost service. Probably five years ago, I heard about a service called Compost Now, which swaps out your full compost bucket for a clean one once a week. They come right to your doorstep – you just have to leave it on your porch. They process your kitchen scraps along with everyone else in your community, and whenever you’d like, you can request bags of dirt, or donate the dirt you’ve contributed to to local community gardens. Amazing! I thought. The price? Not so amazing. (It’s currently $39/month.)
I come from a long line of composters, and it’s something that matters to me. You may recall that we had a good long run of driving our compost bucket to the compost bins in our neighborhood community garden, but it was a hassle that did not survive the addition of a third child to our family.
Earlier this year, I decided our budget could support a Compost Now membership, and it’s been a dream. The bucket lives under our sink and the whole process couldn’t be easier – you can throw in everything from meat and bones to flour and sugar bags, flower arrangements to pizza boxes. I love that we’re able to live out something that matters to us.
In the end, I hope that that’s always what our budget expanding feels like – living into what matters to us more and more, not necessarily just adding comfort or luxury or ease to our lives (though those things are all nice, too!). I’m toying with another Marvelous Money post about generosity, our role in it and how we think about it, and how it changes over time – would love to know if that would be of interest, too.
But of course, I must know: what splurges, big or small, have you realized over time? Especially ones that are recurring versus one-time? Please share!
P.S. If you’re in an area that Compost Now serves (currently: Atlanta, Asheville, Raleigh-Durham, Charleston, and Cincinnati) and also want to splurge, you can use my link to get a $10 service credit.
